I've just about recovered from the major freak out I had on Tuesday night. I didn't think a new TV would cause me to hyperventilate, but apparently I was wrong.
Phil is moving in. Well, not right now, but he's moving in later this year and he and his brother will sell their house and move in with respective girlfriends, Phil into my flat and his brother will buy a place with his girlfriend. This is good and what I want to happen. I have, in fact, been suggesting Phil moves in with me for some time now.
To ease the moving in process we decided that over the next few months Phil would move some of his non-essential stuff over to my flat, so when the big moving in day came it wouldn't be so much work. Brilliant idea, bring it on. He also has always hated my old TV, which although antiquated (compared to the latest TVs) and second hand, I've always loved because it's mine and, hell, it was free :P
So Phil asked if he could buy a new, big, flat screen TV. He was paying for it and really wanted it so I thought why not? I even bought a new TV unit from Ikea for the thing to live on. It's been sat flat pack under my spare bed for two months until the time came to build it.
Phil and I have had three days off work this week to decorate his bathroom (bit of a palaver but that's another story) so he decided it would be the perfect time to order the TV. We build the cabinet at the weekend without a hitch and it looked pretty cute in my living room. Phil was happy because something he helped pick was in my living room and I was happy coz it looked cute :D It was sitting next to the old TV and old TV stand, just waiting for the new TV.
Tuesday evening the new TV arrived. It's big, it's new, and it's not mine. It's Phil's. And it's moving my TV out into the spare room (where it doesn't really fit) and just dominating my room
with its giant newness. Couple the feelings of dread I feel at change in general with the stress of moving heavy objects and untangling hundreds of TV, DVD, games console and Sky box related cables and you've got a pretty stressed and freaked out Lexy.
But I've had a few days with the new TV now. Phil isn't here right now so I'm doing a little bonding time with our
new TV. I have to admit, it looks kinda awesome :D
Ironically, there's a new DVD stand to the right of my PC which has come from Phil's house and is crammed full of his DVDs and CDs with a couple of mine in there to fill in the gaps. This piece of furniture seems to belong there and almost looks like it's always been there, possibly because I've put and candle and two cuddly toys on the top of it ;) Phil said it makes it look like it belongs because it's got bits of me on it.
So the first shock of Phil moving in and my flat changing is over. I'm sure there'll be more freak outs to come, culminating in the massive freak out of him actually MOVING IN permanently. I'm not sure he realises that this is weird for me as well as him. I know he's the one doing the physical move but he's coming into my space
which I've got used to living in alone for the most part. Everything is where I want it and it's all mine.
I've got to get used to giving that up a little because I want to move into the next part of my life and the next part of my life is Phil.
ETA: I just read this quote on ariestess
's journal and it fits this post so I'm re-posting. I hope she doesn't mind :DLove ennobles us to maintain a steadfast commitment to the well-being of someone or some cause greater than our own petty ego. Yet there is no love without the courage to surrender to something more priceless than yourself. -- Cornel West